Quality Time

Yesterday was Wesley's 4th birthday.  I've often thought that I am not doing a good enough job instilling a work ethic in my kids.  When Tessa and I first got married she bought me a journal.  Looking back at one of the first entries reminds me of the thoughts I had when I first got married.  Rather than quoting directly from it, I'll summarize an entry from February 9, 2001.  For a frame of reference it was 2 years before we had kids.  My main concern that day was how to spend quality time with my kids.  Work was nothing new to me, but I was coming to terms with the 8-5 40 hour work week.  My main problem with it was not the work, or the time, but the separation from my family.  Most of what makes me a man came from time shared working in the field with my Dad.  What will my kids have?  If I can't have them work alongside me, how will they learn to work?  Without shared work and accomplishments what memories will they have of time spent together?

I hated (and still do to a certain extent) the idea of 'leaving for work'.  What message does that send to children, "Farewell children, I go to seek prosperity through toil in a foreign land.  Grow up well and perhaps one day you'll get to leave your family alone all day too."  Seriously, and what 'toil' huh?  Sitting in front of a computer screen in a temperature controlled office doesn't sound too bad to most people.  I struggled a lot with self image at that time, wondering how the world sees me.  As a kid I knew, "He's a farmboy."  I was okay with that.  Then I was a "College boy", that's okay too.  Even during college I worked part time in a warehouse, or doing electrical work.  Now (or then) I left work at the end of the day in khaki pants and a Polo shirt and not a speck of dirt or sweat on my brow.  How can what I get paid to do possibly qualify as work?  I fix things, it's fun, but doesn't work involve blood, sweat and tears?  I felt I didn't fit in anywhere.  How was this man going to teach his kids how to work, when I barely felt like I worked at all?  My transition to a 'business professional' was happening whether I was ready or not.  In my journal entry I listed activities that I believed I could do with my children to add quality time with their father to their lives.  (Side note: at that time Tessa and I were at an impasse, I wanted 3 children, she wanted none.  My how things have changed.)

Hopefully no one expected resolution here, for I am far from perfect and out of my list I have done far too little.  I do think that now may be the time to start some of the things, and I'm open to any suggestions.  As for the self image thing, Tess and I got Wesley a construction site set complete with toolboxes, jackhammers, dump trucks and the like.  He's played with it all morning (I'm home sick today).  These toy guys are practically action figures, often holding a jackhammer in one hand and a skillsaw in the other.  He just put all of the little guys in his dump truck and said to me, "Look, there are a lot of Daddies in this truck."  I think there's still time.

Mental Exercises vs. Constant Amusement

Am I the only intellectually lazy person here?  I doubt it.  And if it is so then that's just because no one is reading me.  This morning, in addition to riding my bike on the indoor trainer that Tessa bought me, (new years resolution anyone?) I've been reading a book called "Ordering your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald.  He's a Christian author and pastor and the main point of the book is to help you to understand how to exercise your mind. I've been reading this book off and on for the last...let's say 6 years or so.  I can list on one hand how many non-fiction books I've actually completed in the last...let's just say 6 years or so.  I have to admit I've never even completely finished "Mere Christianity", which is a book that I adore.  When it gets to a certain point of complexity I just seem to lose interest.

Mr. MacDonald would argue that I've abandoned the intellectually stimulating instead to pursue my own amusement.  He uses the word amusement interestingly enough due to it's literal meaning of "function without thought".  I'll go along with that.  Especially with today's society of Facebook (which I will post this article to) and Twitter (which I'm still baffled by). 

Upon picking his book up again I realize I'm a textbook "Fast Starter", as he was before he realized and corrected his error.  I've achieved success though I feel I haven't had to put all that much effort into it.  Sure I've worked, very hard at times, at my job, or my life.  God has certainly placed opportunity in front of me so obviously that I very nearly trip on it.  But MacDonald would say that I've never had to do the hard work of developing my mind into a "Thinking Machine".  And he would be right.

I've succeeded so far in life due to my natural abilities, favorable circumstances and God's Blessings.  I grew up in a family where hard work was necessary and rewarded.  I was nurtured and taught the value of honest work.  God blessed me with certain circumstances and talents that has made my early success not only possible but easy. However, in work and in life, I tend to avoid the routine, unspectacular duties in favor of the more exciting ones.  I love to set up a server that makes something remarkable possible and is very impressive, but I do not enjoy checking the logs every day to make sure that it's running properly.  Whenever I have a truly boring and "unimportant" or at least "unimpressive" task to do, I generally temper it with the downing of a Mtn Dew or cup of coffee.  And maybe that's not bad, but I'm starting to think that it is.  Just this morning I thought of something repetitive and dull that I need to do today at work, and immediately I visualized a Mtn Dew.  (I KNOW IT'S PATHETIC SO DON'T EVEN START)  Well if any of you have made it this far, you have my congratulations.  I don't have an answer for the problem, except to maybe finally finish the book I started 6 years ago and hope for the best.

Thoughts on a new job, and hopefully an understandable parallel.

For any reader(s) who don't know, I've recently changed jobs.  I am still doing IT work, but in a totally different environment and industry.  I accepted a position with Beacon Tire in Russellville, AR for a job title that is yet unknown but for the purposes of this post it will be called "The IT Guy."  It had been 6 years since I changed jobs and I'd begun to think that it wasn't possible.  I had begun to believe that I was too set in my ways, unable to learn something new.  I will admit to a lot of anxiety regarding this new job in the weeks prior to starting. 

I have made a few observations about the changes this new job has brought about in me, and I believe I have found a good parallel.  The closest analogy that I've been able to come up with is that changing jobs is roughly equivalent to coming to know Christ.  At first it seems a bit unreal.  Every day is so different than all your previous days have ever been.  You have a new purpose, a new "job" to do.  You've switched sides, now you work for someone else.  You look back on your previous life, and wonder "Was that really me?" or "Is this really me?"  Your entire perception of yourself has been turned on its head. 

In the case of becoming a Christian, you have just been faced with the reality that God loves you, and wants to help you so that you can help others.  In the case of starting a new job, you now rely on a totally different organization, or group of people, for the monetary well being of yourself and your family.  Both are very significant changes!  The first week that I spent at Beacon, I found myself looking back at my old job a lot.  "Is this really a better life?"  "Is this really a better job?"  This shell shock I believe is normal with any large life changing event.  In this case it didn't take long to find purpose and fulfillment in my new job.  In the case of becoming a Christian, it may depend on your life circumstances.  In either case, change is inevitable, it must happen for you to be successful.  You may have to change a lot, or maybe just a little.  If I don't learn this job and this industry, I will not be successful.  Luckily I am surrounded by good people who know what I need to learn.  If you've just become a Christian you too must surround yourself with people who know Christ, so that they can help you to know Him better.  Believe me the Change is worth it.

Start with something simple

Once, long long ago I had a blog.  As I recall it was a pretty good one, at least by blogging standards of 7-8 years ago.  I'm sure the bar has been raised significantly since then.  Nevertheless, here goes nothing.  It is worth noting that I am typing at a disadvantage, as Wesley has seen fit to remove several keys from the keyboard of my laptop.

Tessa and I are moved into a new house, which just might be actually big enough.  As with any house there always seems to be something to fix.  One thing which I set to immediately was fixing the fluorescent light in the garage.  As most of our life still resides in boxes stationed in the garage, light becomes pretty important.  The bulbs flickered like a strobe light.  I went to Lowes and bought new bulbs.  The new bulbs didn't even flicker, didn't seem to do anything.  So, knowing a little bit about that sort of thing I form assumptions.  "Ah, must be a bad ballast.  So 40 dollars later I have a new ballast.  I install the ballast, flip the switch...and nothing happens.  "Weird" thought I.  Must be the lamp holders.  So after installing new lamp holders, I flip the switch.  Again, nothing.  "Hmm, maybe a bad switch."  New switch installed.  Flip new switch, (drumroll please)...nothing.  A few Google searches, wiring diagrams and pulled out hairs later, still no light.  Tessa, watching my frustrations grow to a fever pitch, makes an observation.  "Maybe one of the new bulbs is bad."  I almost dismiss the suggestion but at this point, I'm out of options.  I replace the new light bulb with the least burned out looking of the two "bad" bulbs and flip the switch.  "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"  A humbling experience to be sure.

A lesson to us all, especially us snarky IT know it all guys.  And this applies to more than just light bulbs and computers.  (Although before calling the IT guy stating that your computer doesn't work you should at least make sure it's plugged in.)  It applies to life as well.  Is someone you love having difficulty?  Maybe they just need someone to talk to, and maybe they just need you to listen, without trying to "solve" their problem.  Before you get all complicated, try thinking simple.